i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
