i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
