a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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