shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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