At least make sure they are 18
Why
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Floor bacon is actually really good
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
