jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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