apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
