He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
