I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
