Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
