apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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