You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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