Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
