I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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