hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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