a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
