Please, let me fuck your mom
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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