there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
