dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
