If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
