My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
