so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
