so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
