Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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