So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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