$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
