Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
