i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize