After last night, I could never be a politician.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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