she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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