You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
