Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
