I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
