A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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