another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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