I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
