he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
