MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
