My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
