Jerry, you need to find god
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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