She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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