I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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