She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
