nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
