OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
