need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
