Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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