it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize