I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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