Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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