her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
