I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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