We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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