What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need a beard to bite.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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