One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize