Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i was born a porn star she said
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
