does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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