I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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