when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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