I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
