and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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