i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
