just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
