it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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