Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
