just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
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